roadrunnertwice: Rebecca on treadmill. (Text: "She's a ROCKET SCIENTIST from the SOUTH POLE with FIFTY EXES?") (Rocket scientist (Bitter Girl))

My friend Nagisa posted this meme on Facebook and I just about died. You start typing each sentence of a dating profile on your phone's keyboard, then use its predictions to fill in the rest.

My name is Nick and I just remembered that I was a little kid.

My age is not too small.

I live in Portland but I still love you.

I was born and I forgot about it.

My body is just so hungry.

I am looking for something that is not the only thing.

I enjoy playing with the best.

My ideal partner is the one that has been able to work on the other side.

My turn ons are on point but I'm not even gonna.

roadrunnertwice: Rodney the Second Grade T-Ball Jockey displays helpful infographics. (T-ball / Your Ass (Buttercup Festival))
A pair of identical waveforms at the same phase will, when added together, result in a waveform equal to one of the identical pair amplified by three decibels. As such, if we assume a complex waveform to be the sum of two identical waveforms at the same phase, we can reconstruct one (both) of the original waveforms by simply attenuating the resultant waveform by 3 dB.

The simplicity of this calculation reduces the problem of constructing the sound of one hand clapping to a surprisingly tractable state: if we assume the sound of two hands clapping to be the sum of the sounds of two individual hands clapping (initiated simultaneously), we can solve the kōan by simply attenuating the sound of two hands clapping by 3 dB.

Although some reviewers may question the validity of our base assumption, objections are easily dispensed with: no theoretical framework supporting the non-simultaneous report of individual hands involved in a clap has yet been proposed, and Beau Brosworth's exhaustive high-five experiments (Brosworth, 1987) conclusively demonstrated that, after correcting for strike accuracy and force, homogeneous pairs of dextral and sinistral hands produce identical clap waveforms within a 0.0034% margin of error.
roadrunnertwice: Yrs truly surrounded by trees. (Kekkaishi - coffee milk)

Okay, so generally, historically, a micro-brew is anything smaller than a mega-brew, right?

With the recognition that mega-brew is itself not a particularly real category and generally isn't even thought of as such, being more often referred to as either simply "brew," "corporate bullcrap," "whatever's cheap," or "that pale American piss," depending on audience, I think we can all agree that we know mega-brew when we see it. (It being, like, Bud, Coors, Miller, Busch, PBR, Hamms, and pretty much anything that tastes like them.) But of course that runs into problems right away: Consider Guinness, which I'm pretty sure is available in the entire English-speaking world. Mega? Maybe more like kilo-brew? (The metric jokes are only getting worse, btw, so I recommend bailing now.)

Okay, so you've got mega-brew(American-type) and mega-brew(International-type). Fine. What spawned this post is the set of discrete categories between mega and micro. What are they?

I figure it's time for an RFC:

  • Homebrew. Yup.
  • Nano-brew. Single-brewpub stuff.
  • Micro-brew. Extremely local. Here, I'm thinking of things like Surly, Bridgeport, Flat Earth, Dick's, Dogfish Head, and Fish Tail. There's a decent chance I cannot name any you would recognize, because that's kind of the point.
  • Local swill. Stuff that's totally unavailable outside its territory, but which isn't really produced with what might be called an artisan's touch. I'm thinking particularly of Henry Weinhard's, Leinenkugel's, and maybe Summit on a bad day. Generally a cut above mega-brew.
  • Milli-brew. Sounds too much like "Miller," so let's just skip it.
  • Centi-brew. Produced on a relatively small scale, but quite widely available, even on tap. New Belgium, Deschutes, Sierra Nevada,* and all those smaller international oddities like Chimay and Staropramen.
  • Brew. Demilitarized zone; contains no actual brew.
  • Hecto-brew. Post-micro-boom "artisanal" subsidiaries of major brewing concerns, as well as certain less-popular international items such as Murphy's and Beamish (both part of the Heineken empire, which is itself of the International flavor of mega-brew) and Smithwick's (part of Guinness).
  • Kilo-brew. Reserved for future use.
  • Mega-brew. Comes in both American and International types. Available damned near everywhere. American type is your basic watery lager. International type varies a bit more, but still contains a fair number of watery lagers (Heineken, Carlson, Kirin, Ichiban, Tiger, Singha, Harp, etc.). The main requirement is that it's pretty much goddamn everywhere.

* Funny story about the size of the American beer world. You know how Sierra Nevada used to have twist-off tops, but they were really bitchily hard to open, and then they switched to pry-offs? One day, Summit's twist-off caps suddenly became really hard to open. Like, across the board, without exception.

Turned out that Sierra Nevada had bought a new bottling line, and immediately sold their old one to Summit.


roadrunnertwice: Yrs truly surrounded by trees. (Default)
Nick Eff

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The Fell Types are digitally reproduced by Igino Marini.

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