Books: Why Does He Do That

Having this one sitting in the queue un-posted is making me nervous, so may as well get it up here.

Lundy Bancroft -- Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Sept. 2013

I had to read this fast in the middle of an emergency last year (actually two completely unconnected emergencies), and it was incredibly helpful.

I won't publicly post about any of that yet, for a couple of reasons. (But feel free to contact me privately, especially if you think you know what I'm talking about.) Which is a bit of a bummer, because I wanted to talk about some relevant details about HOW this book was helpful, but fuck it, may as well at least post about generalities. It's important.

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Here is my review: Everyone should read this book at their earliest convenience. Do it now while you have the luxury of time, because trying to catch up when shit's on fire totally sucks.

If we're on speaking terms and you need a copy of this book, I can get you one. I think there's also a ripped PDF of it floating around out there.

It's well-organized and easy to skim, so it's easy to get what you need out of it without having to read the whole thing. It's actually consciously designed for picking and choosing while reading in a hurry, and I recommend jumping around a bit and following your curiosity.

Bancroft knows his shit and this book in particular is pretty universally acclaimed. It seems to be the go-to resource for learning to identify and respond to abusive patterns of behavior.

What I found most useful about this book was its explanation of how seemingly unrelated behaviors link together into patterns, and how those patterns come out of an underlying mindset. It focuses on men abusing women, on account of the patriarchy being a real thing, but I can tell you from experience that Bancroft's info and insight is very applicable in other cases.

Please read this book.