Roadrunner Twice

OK, so the new OKTrends is cool and all, and who can't get behind "Mo' goats mo' problems" because that is basically what goats are for in the first place, but damn, NO ONE will talk straight about that Onan situation! Now, the way I heard the story, Onan's older brother got Shanked By The LORD and his father told him to "sleep with his wife and raise up her children as your brother's" -- that is, continue the line of the firstborn and incidentally probably cut your own eventual kids out of the inheritance, no hard feelings. Onan then figured that pops had been pretty firm on the sleeping-with and raising-up parts but hadn't said anything specific about impregnating his brother's wife (whose name was Tamar and who that entire story seemed to be mostly about in the first place, by the way), and predictably decided to better his lot by some judicious pulling out, which was the point where he got the NUH-UH from YHWH.

Point being, there was no masturbation involved at any point, and the actual take-away lesson was Thou Shalt Not Exploit Loopholes Like A Bitch, For It Is An Abomination In The Eyes Of The LORD. What the hell? Why does this persist?

I hereby declare this to be Jerk Off, And It's Not Onanism Because At Least You're Not Pulling Out Day.