roadrunnertwice: Rodney the Second Grade T-Ball Jockey displays helpful infographics. (T-ball / Your Ass (Buttercup Festival))

Once upon a time, our friend Doug threw a science fair theme party at his house in Seattle, and he managed to get a shocking number of his acquaintances to actually craft tri-fold foam-core project posters. The local public radio traffic personality, Adam Gehrke, showed up with a Jacob's Ladder and actually fucking plugged it in.

And SOMEONE — I wish I could remember who did this (Dan Morelli maybe? or possibly a friend of a friend who I never really hung out with again?), but this anecdote has never been more than a few inches from the front of my mind for like fifteen years — was running an experiment called "Does God Hate It if you Leave MGD Outside?" He had two coolers of Miller Genuine Draft, one of whose contents had been left in the sunlight at some point, and his trifold poster explained that if the LORD objected to this, He might make His displeasure known in a blind taste test. (If you haven't had cause to learn this before: UV radiation transforms the complicated aromatics in hops, causing beer to taste like diluted turpentine that was recently stored in a skunk's butthole.) The experiment's results were conclusive.

Anyway, beyond the surface-level comedy of running a skunked beer prank in front of a tri-fold poster that gave the whole game away, what really stuck with me was the character this whole setup conjured up — this 5th grade Christian homeschool kid with a button-up shirt and a pocket full of M-80 firecrackers, who loves Jesus and has gone entirely feral.

roadrunnertwice: Yrs truly and a little black cat. (Me - w/ Frankie)

I'm assuming everyone who follows my Mastodon/Twitter/old-Instagram already knows about Mogwai, Muffin, Willa, Tampa, Glitch, Zero-Day, and Bruce "Wipeout" Jones III, the cats who, at various times, have lived on our side of the block. But there are also some other cats we see occasionally, who hang out on one of the other sides of the block.

I don't have photos for most of these, sorry.

  • Little Black Cat — a medium-sized black cat, but we call her little to distinguish her from Glitch and Zero, who are approximately cinderblock-shaped.
  • Northern Spawn of Bruce — a smallish female with the exact same markings as Bruce, who hangs out on the northern side of the block and gets food from one of the houses there. Seems sweet-natured.
  • Southern Spawn of Bruce — a medium-sized male with the exact same markings as Bruce, except in a darker grey that looks almost black from a distance. Extremely skitty.
  • Fluffy Black Cat — a very large cat with tuxedo markings who is MASSIVELY FLUFFY.
  • Muffin-Alike — a small tuxedo who looks almost exactly like Muffin from a distance. You can distinguish them by size (Alike is slightly bigger), face (Muffin has one off-center eye), and disposition (Alike is skitty at any distance; Muffin seems very sanguine until she doesn't).
  • Orange Cat at Tyrone's — a medium-sized orange cat. Skitty.
    • Ruth also calls him Angry Orange Cat because he always looks furious.
  • MissingNo (emeritus) — the third of the identical cinderblock-shaped black tomcats called Glitches, who we originally thought were just one cat until we started trapping them. We THINK we've seen No a couple times since getting him fixed, but it's dubious and we're not wholly sure where his territory is. Dude was just wrong place wrong time that day.
  • Cat Under the Stairs — a medium-sized cat with a blobby white and grey pattern, who, as soon as he sees you, will run inside a hole in the concrete stairs up to this one house's porch. He has to squish to fit through, and then he'll turn and glare balefully out at you.
    • Update (July 2020): I met cat-under-the-stairs’ caretaker!!! This cat is a she, her name is Shorty Ro-Ro (which is short for Shorty Royana Whitehead), and she is Bruce’s littermate!! Her tail might have been truncated by a bird!
  • Short-Tail Cat — A medium-sized cat with a blobby white and grey pattern who has a clipped tail. He will act like he doesn't see you, but will just happen to cross the street to avoid you.
    • Ruth says this is the same cat as Cat Under the Stairs! She is right.
  • Colette — small tabby. Feral girlfriend of Pierre, a small black cat who is actually someone's pet and has a collar and everything. Their love is so pure 😭
  • The Skunk — NOT TECHNICALLY A CAT.
roadrunnertwice: Sigourney Weaver with a trucker 'stache. (Sigourney Weaver with a trucker 'stache)

Me and Robert and Raye went to Salem this weekend to catch the tail end of our friend Rose’s birthday party, and they brought their newish dog Bartok along. Bartok is almost definitely a chihuahua (might be something else in there, but if so it’s invisible), and is still kind of learning Out Around Other Dog manners. He’s benign, but, zero chill.

We ended up walking through the park along the river, and there was a big like worldbeat festival going on, so the place was packed. As we were passing a couple walking another small dog, Bartok got really committed to smelling this dog’s butt. We made brief pleasantries and made to keep moving, but he just kept going.

And then I received a cosmic transmission or something, and said “Hey! Get out of her DMs!”

🤷🏽‍♀️

roadrunnertwice: DTWOF's Lois in drag. Dialogue: "Dude, just rub a little Castrol 30 weight into it. Works for me." (Castrol (Lois))

Here’s an absolutely buck wild story from the Wikipedia page for aqua regia:

When Germany invaded Denmark in World War II, Hungarian chemist George de Hevesy dissolved the gold Nobel Prizes of German physicists Max von Laue (1914) and James Franck (1925) in aqua regia to prevent the Nazis from confiscating them. The German government had prohibited Germans from accepting or keeping any Nobel Prize after jailed peace activist Carl von Ossietzky had received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1935. De Hevesy placed the resulting solution on a shelf in his laboratory at the Niels Bohr Institute. It was subsequently ignored by the Nazis who thought the jar—one of perhaps hundreds on the shelving—contained common chemicals. After the war, de Hevesy returned to find the solution undisturbed and precipitated the gold out of the acid. The gold was returned to the Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences and the Nobel Foundation. They re-cast the medals and again presented them to Laue and Franck.

roadrunnertwice: Yrs truly and a little black cat. (Me - w/ Frankie)

Our old cat Frankie (RIP) was a Media Snob.

  • Once, Ruth was telling me about this kind of absurd "Music for Cats" kickstarter — the composer was trying to focus on frequencies where cats' hearing is most acute and nuanced, and also mimic natural sounds that cats are known to like. Frankie was sitting with me as Ruth was telling me all this, so I played one of the sample tracks. She immediately got up and left the room. Maybe they accidentally recorded Kidz Bop For Cats, or some feline equivalent of Komar and Melamid's "Most Wanted Song."
  • Another time, our housemate was at the kitchen table with Frankie on his lap, watching some bird-related video. She was like "bird?!," and hopped up to look behind the laptop screen... then saw there was nothing there and stalked out of the room, visibly outraged. She never again paid ANY attention to a video screen, because I guess television ONLY SHOWS LIES.

Mousetown

Oct. 21st, 2017 12:59 pm
roadrunnertwice: Sigourney Weaver with a trucker 'stache. (Sigourney Weaver with a trucker 'stache)
Ruth was like "I'm gonna paint that red wall today," and I was like "yeah, gonna redwall like a middle school furry!"

And she was like, "wut?" 😭

On Gwhirls

Sep. 8th, 2017 02:15 pm
roadrunnertwice: Parking lot stencil: "ALL TREES WILL BE TOWED," with tree glyph in "no" sign. (All trees will be towed)
When I was visiting my sister, she told me they used to point out squirrels on the bird feeder to her son to teach him what they were called, but he thought they were pointing at the feeder itself. So now a bird feeder is called a “gwhirl” at their house.