The Science of Beverage Sins
Apr. 15th, 2020 09:35 pmOnce upon a time, our friend Doug threw a science fair theme party at his house in Seattle, and he managed to get a shocking number of his acquaintances to actually craft tri-fold foam-core project posters. The local public radio traffic personality, Adam Gehrke, showed up with a Jacob's Ladder and actually fucking plugged it in.
And SOMEONE — I wish I could remember who did this (Dan Morelli maybe? or possibly a friend of a friend who I never really hung out with again?), but this anecdote has never been more than a few inches from the front of my mind for like fifteen years — was running an experiment called "Does God Hate It if you Leave MGD Outside?" He had two coolers of Miller Genuine Draft, one of whose contents had been left in the sunlight at some point, and his trifold poster explained that if the LORD objected to this, He might make His displeasure known in a blind taste test. (If you haven't had cause to learn this before: UV radiation transforms the complicated aromatics in hops, causing beer to taste like diluted turpentine that was recently stored in a skunk's butthole.) The experiment's results were conclusive.
Anyway, beyond the surface-level comedy of running a skunked beer prank in front of a tri-fold poster that gave the whole game away, what really stuck with me was the character this whole setup conjured up — this 5th grade Christian homeschool kid with a button-up shirt and a pocket full of M-80 firecrackers, who loves Jesus and has gone entirely feral.